it is amusing, it really is. regarding how childish and irrational human beings really are. which is pretty much the reason why i decide to drop by this blog to post it.

why not too long ago, i had this rather strange encounter with a person. i was standing next to a mighty fine lady, and a rather skittish and shifty looking character on a train, waiting for my next stop. and being, rather obviously tired, i took a yawn. yes it is quite rude to do that, but who doesnt. but that isnt really the point here.

as i was taking the mother of all yawns, the shifty bastard started grabbing at me and started yelling "stop stealing her air from me!"

my. it really was a shock. in the words of pink. who knew?

imagine that, a person standing on a train, taking a yawn, and a person screaming that the first party was guilty of stealing air.

yes readers, please have the classical WTF look on your face, it will greatly aid in the development of your facial muscles. reduces wrinkles and whatnot. i assure you it is all scientifically proven. by me. now back on to the story.

so i was obviously shocked by this rude, unreasonable, not to mention irrational behaviour.

the bastard continues blabbering, ranting, about how precious the lady's air was to him. how, that by standing next to her, i was stealing her air from him. and he moved on, begging. telling me that i had so many passerby's air to breathe from, and that i should not steal his air that he worked so hard for (albeit i guess, from squeezing pass so many people, train stop after train stop, just to breathe her air), while i just got in and could breathe it immediately.

yes, please. arch your eyebrows higher at this high brow tale.

of course, air is a public good, it is basic economics. so i ask the person, rather incredulously, how the fuck, could i possibly steal air from her, when her air (bless her air, it has a nice minty scent which i do like) is basically everywhere. it is accessible to everyone. and it is impossible to attach a price to it! that will result in inefficiency and thus market failure et cetera.

of course, other passer bys on the train heard this rather fantastical argument, and decide to jibe at the poor bastard.

and that bastard, now not so poor due to his actions which he commits.. like after this comma, starts yelling at me. this time it is not about the air issue. he said i breached his trust, cos i let the other passer bys on the train hear our argument!

of course, i reminded him that the crux of the whole problem... is that he accused me of stealing air from a lady-

-BUT NO. he says that the problem is that I BREACHED HIS TRUST! how could i! let the passer bys! overhear our "conversation"! and allow them! to "mock" him!

oh sue me. i am sorry i raised my voice, when he raised the argument, shouting and yelling that i was killing him.

as if those werent enough to break any twenty camels' backs, he decide to add on another cartload of straws.

he threatened to kill me!

oh yeah. i stole his air. i let other passer bys with their own ears and eyes oversee and overhear our argument. i betrayed him.

his conclusion?

i had to go. one way or another.

so there he was.

"the next i see you, i will fucking kill you."

great job, ya shifty bastard!

now i gotta die. let me cry.

"i wish you never existed."

great quote there. so now my existence becomes the problem. not the air.. not the trust... the fact that i existed... threatened him.. sounds like a really thin and typical hollywood plot that some crackpot director pulled out of his arse.

"i wish you would die, like you said you would"

now that really creeped me out. i got a stalker! so now we got a psychopath, a pervert and a stalker, and a murderer (potential). someone isnt exactly chalking up boy scout points for st peters up there. so not exactly religious either. oh dear.

after reasoning with him, that killing me was not a rational thing to do to solve anything.. he goes in.. and blows his whole argument up with the most win quote of the century...

"that's not the point."

so what's the point now! not the air. not the killing. now what?!

i pointed out, to jog his obviously lagging memory,... that the problem was more exactly that... he was deranged.

despite, my rather kindly advice, he insisted that he still wants to kill me. why, our readers may ask. now, this just replaced the above quote as the most win quote.

"cos you bring these flaws out to the public eye."

oh my god. so that is my fault now? that i brought up your fetish for stealing air? and for, randomly accusing passer bys for hearing. my god.

PEOPLE. FRIENDS, SINGAPOREANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR EARS. DO NOT BREATHE. DO NOT LOOK. DO NOT LISTEN. DO NOT EVEN THINK. IT IS. EVILLLLLL.

good job, dipshit.

of course, as my train stop pulled up, by the grace of God and a couple of off duty and on duty angels, i offered him a simple advice to contemplate and reflect. (hopefully under a big rock for 10 thousand years, become a saint or a buddha or some mythical creature of sorts, and gain nirvana, enlightenment et cetera. see. i always have people's well being as the top priority in my deep, generous, wide heart)

of course, i rushed out of the door just as it was closing.

who knew what the hell would happen if that bastard followed me yeah?

but on the other hand, like most of my friends will point out.

"who would want to follow you, yi sheng?"

now i can finally say.. to all your pretentious bastards.. HAHAH FINALLY SOMEONE WANTS TO FOLLOW ME. HE JUST COULDNT DO IT. SO IT SORT OF DOESNT COUNT. BUT IT DOES COUNT IN ESSENCE. WHATEVER I AM JUST DEGRADING MY OWN ARGUMENT. STFU YI SHENG.

stfu-ed.

i have no idea what happened in the end... but according to the rumours from the train control station, the mighty fine lady talked to him and managed to pacify him.

well i hope that she's fine. with a huge air leech stuck to her.

well. but to quote sinatra. that's life.

until next time. hasta la vista, baby.

Death comes to all men.

at our age, who can really comprehend the concept and notion of what death is? Death to us, is but a faraway concept, an idea foreign to us, having never experienced what it may even be like.

why me?

those were the first 2 words i asked when i heard about it.

fear set in. i did not want to experience this. the light of my youth, the unspent years stretched out in a spiral before me. how can i possibly give them up? what will it be like? an eternal darkness? conscious but never moving.

i feared. over what mattered, what did not matter, what should matter, what should not matter.

then anger set in. i ranted against the heavens, my friends, the doctors, my family. everything and anything that i can summon up from the recesses of my mind. i hated them for being able to enjoy what will soon be robbed from me.

then depression. i may still be at that stage. where the loneliness sets in.

emotive people are usually stereotyped with the phrase "but no one understands me"

in this case, it may be cliche but true.

this terrible loneliness and an ache for understanding, of this situation, this dilemma, this crisis.

and a deep regret at what i am leaving behind. at what i could have done but didnt do.

i regret many things. one of which, is being the typical jester.

now i am here. when i leave, what will people remember of me? a faint memory, the lightest of all shadows, as a person who takes nothing seriously?

i regret that.

amongst other things.

in this period, i may have clung on too much to some friends. and watching them slowly leave me now, brings me a stab of regret. and this regret i will carry through the rest of my life. but considering how short it may be, it doesnt say much.

then comes acceptance.

the rare clarity of thought. that enables us to see past the material value of friends, of experiences, of memories. and allow us to go "ah shit. before death comes a knocking. i should just spend my life as well as i can." to allow us to see what life truly is like and to appreciate it.

a person stealing the threads that the fates knit our lives with.

a person stealing grains of sand from the giant hourglass of time.

it may not seem much, but yet i can finally understand how much, how precious it is.

to all my friends, goodbye, take care and don't die.

but really, acceptance of death coming is one thing. letting it get to you is another. such moments remind of the poem by Dylan Thomas. "Do not go gentle into that good night"

but can i. can i really possibly summon the colossal strength needed, to rage against the dying of the light?

honestly speaking. time is running out for me.

the fainting spells are getting more and more frequent. i am scared one day, there will be no more delays between each spell of fainting.

so while i am lucid, while i am still able.

i like to thank everyone who has made a difference in my life. which is you. you reading this.

to read one's possible last words, brings one no greater joy. now i understand why every single one of those old fogeys want to go and write a will. trying to get a kick out of it as well as throwing money in the faces of their relatives keke.

but i can leave nothing behind but my thanks. and my gratitude.

thank you guys. it has been a helluva ride. 17 years of life. guess what? life well spent.. life well spent.

i have to stop. i dont wish to cry.

当男子汉，
做大丈夫。
拿得起时，
就放得下。
拂袖离行，
一笑而罢。

rebecca would be proud of me. i have matured.

but can we really let go what we have picked up and held close to our heart? frankly, i think that the traces do linger. and in some cases it is like a glass shard embedded in your heart. it may cause stabbing pains sometimes.

but to be a man! an idealistic man. i believe that such pain is a mere trifle. paltry. one can bear with such pain!

this belief is the same as the way we believe that the sky seems so close that we can touch it. that our dreams can somehow be attained.

if only it was so.